Book Release: 'this is what it felt like'

Today is a very exciting day because ‘this is what it felt like’ is officially available to order on Amazon worldwide! This collection of poems documents my experience of falling in love for the first time.

This has been a beautiful way for me to store these memories—memories full of all of the complexities that come with loving another person.

Most stories I grew up consuming about love and relationships were not reflective of the love and relationships I was seeing and experiencing in real life. I think love is often portrayed as this very intense, sexy, heart racing, accelerated experience, and it can be all of those things, but it can also feel safe, uncomfortably vulnerable, steady, and less of the constant adrenaline and euphoria we see portrayed in media/film/books. My experience of falling in love, therefore, felt so different compared to all of the content I had consumed about the subject while growing up, and this felt very confusing to me, and I started to question if I knew what love was. This is what motivated me to provide an honest perspective of what falling in love felt like to me.

As you will read in the book, I explore all of the emotions, ones that I am less proud of—like jealousy, fear, possessiveness, doubt, insecurity, anxiety, panic, cynicism—and ones I really cherished feeling—like safety, giddiness, pleasure, tenderness, peace, compassion, comfort, and curiosity. I think everyone will be able to relate to this journey, as it is one that is truly universal.

Thank you to everyone who has shown me so much love and support since I started this journey, I am so grateful to be able to share this second collection of poetry with you. You give me the courage to keep sharing.

order your book here

I hope you love ‘this is what it felt like’ as much as I loved creating it!

Welcome to My Blog!

This blog will be a chance for me to further expand on the inner workings of my mind, poetry, and experiences I have while traveling.

I was born and raised in the small beach town of Lewes, Delaware, and always dreamed of traveling the world on my own terms. My first adventure started when I left home to attend James Madison University (JMU) in Harrisonburg, Virginia in August of 2015. My years at JMU instilled in me a love for the mountains, craft beer, service, and learning. I graduated from JMU in May of 2019 with a Bachelor's degree in International Affairs. Shortly after graduation, I went on my first trip abroad with my best friend Karlie. We traveled with a tour group to the Baltic countries of Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia, and Bosnia and Herzegovina. During this trip, I was carrying so much fear about the lack of direction for my future, that I could barely enjoy the present. So although these Balkan countries were beautiful--there were certainly times of joy--there were also times where I felt like I was observing without really seeing. I actually sent a message to my mom on that trip saying 'I will never travel by myself, this is so overwhelming.' In all honesty, it was not the travel that was overwhelming, but the departure from college into the unknown. It was a feeling of desperation, reaching toward anything to see if something could stick. From June 2019 to March of 2022 I worked through various jobs--a nanny, front desk receptionist, an English language teacher-- still reaching, but the desperation to find a sense of direction began to let up. This lightening on the tight grip of control I had on my future also coincided with the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic; this is no coincidence. The pandemic made my future seem much less important; the magnifying glass I had placed on it had suddenly zoomed out.

So someone looking at the 'me' of the past could find it difficult to reconcile that version with the 'me' of the present. I even find it difficult to recognize one in the other sometimes, but the 'me' of the now was always apart of the 'me' then and vice versa. It turns out, I have always been capable of traveling on my own, of self-publishing a book, of being in a relationship, of befriending a group of strangers. But I had always looked outward for approval--validation--when that validation only should be found from looking inward. Once I started to look inward to confirm how I was feeling, I started to feel this inner confidence that I had been lacking for so long. It was like I had always been looking at myself in the mirror, but with a blurry layer in between, and in March of 2022 I could finally see myself clearly.

I had talked for so long about booking a ticket to Thailand, but with the pandemic, my plans--like many people's plans--were delayed, but I had no more excuses once Thailand opened its 'Test and Go Program.' And that month was the beginning of everything. It was the beginning of me believing in myself and doing what I said I would do. From Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, the Philippines, Turkey to Germany, Switzerland, Spain, and Indonesia, that first month of adventure has turned into a year and now that I know I can do this, I am never going to stop.

This blog is a chance for me to expand on my daily thoughts and the poetry I have written and continue to write. Along with my weekly adventures, I also hope to write about the countries I have yet to visit and the interesting people I am bound to meet. No matter what I am writing about, I promise to always be honest.

left: me trying to not accidentally drive my motorbike off the side of Mã Pí Lèng Pass in Northern Vietnam--if you zoom in you should be able to see the absolute terror in my eyes

I would love for this blog to be interactive so please feel free to leave a comment or share! And here is to many more adventures to come in the future!